The Boiling Rage

Posted by: Splosher | 23/09/2010

New MP3 player, new Top 10

My newly purchased 4GB MP3 player arrived this weekend to replace the old and knackered 512mb one I’ve been stuck with – yep, there are still some people who aren’t even up into the gigabyte arena in the year 2010 – and though my current player had a smashed LCD and had lost of its equaliser function, the poor neglected thing had served me well for the last two years. Through all weather, the miniature jukebox has played its little silicon heart out each day during my ten mile cycle to work and once I realised using rechargeable AAA batteries would save me a small fortune, its running costs have been virtually unnoticeable, much like its dangled weight around my neck.

2 Comments

Posted in Technological bafflement | Tags: Fade into you, Happy Mondays, i-Pod, In my Life, Last night I dreamt somebody loved me, Lithium, Live Forever, Mazzy Star, MP3 player, Music, Nirvana, Oasis, Proud Mary, Same Old Blues, Songs, Sugar Spun Sisiter, The Beatles, The Doors, The End, The Mercy Beat, The Smiths, The Stone Roses, The The, Wrote for Luck

Posted by: Splosher | 12/09/2010

Sirens, Buses and a wall of noise

Noise, I f**king hate it. Anything overtly loud really boils my blood and if there’s one thing that guarantees mental implosion, it’s a siren. Sirens – whether they are emitted from a Police car, ambulance or fire engine – are destroying my very existence in this farcical, reality facade we all have to dwell within, although my life is made immeasurably more depressing because I live in a first-floor flat ten yards adjacent to a main road. This means I’m continually bombarded by a cacophony of ear-splitting alarms at all hours, regardless of decorum or respect for the sleeping masses strung along the two mile stretch of Rochdale road that runs from my abode to the Royal Oldham hospital. Also, being placed just a couple of hundred yards away from a major four-way junction makes things even harder still, as all emergency vehicles blast out their warnings as they accelerate towards any potential blockage with their blue neon lights flashing and their electronic horns wailing, oblivious to all and sundry.

A slip of the tongue

Early one Sunday morning the other week, while out and about looking for some potential bargains on a car boot sale, I happened upon a three-way heated debate involving a husband and wife stallholder team and a prospective male buyer who’d somehow caused the growing vocal catalyst me and many others were now stood around listening to. The wife was short, fat and incensed, the husband was big, fat and incredulous and the poor bloke appeared humiliated, dazed and confused with all this unintended attention aimed at him and was defensively trying to calm the situation down.

Cycling vs Fate: in need of a new God?

Yet again, I’ve experienced the brunt of God, the Gods or whatever universal energy force may exist out in the nether regions of the ether, pissing on me from up on high and having a good old time laughing its/their balls off at my expense whilst the last drips land. This disruption usually occurs two or three times a year at specific months and after many years of scrutiny and realisation, I try to prepare as best I can for the coming onslaught of Fate’s dice-throw. As I’m still limited to travelling to work using the age-old transport method of the bicycle, this is usually the weakest link in my so-called life and it is most likely to be one of the contributing factors towards my tri-yearly stresses. So it comes as no surprise that this month’s boiling rage has arrived with a plumb and has been ushered in with yet another cycle-related extravaganza of pain and suffering for myself.

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Posted in Perplexing & unfathomable things | Tags: bike, Boiling Rage, cycling, fate, God, puncture, rain

Posted by: Splosher | 18/08/2010

40 as a milestone? I’m lucky to have reached it!

On the 23^rd of July 2010, I finally entered middle age as I turned 40 years old with the passing of the midnight hour; quite literally, as I entered this world on the clock’s ninth chime, an early morning start to an eventful, if unfulfilled, life. It has taken me a few weeks of coming to terms with this monumental arrival – as shown with the lack of blog input during this period of time – but now I’m back with an amalgamation of my wastrel life’s highs and lows. I have tried to recall some of the key yearly events for possible future dissection of my psychologically damaged brain-box, although limiting my choices was hard work: some years were packed with eventful examples, yet others standout with their lack of instances and there’s a couple I truly cannot recall anything memorable happening at all. So, here’s a single example for each year spread across the last 40 years.

Sky News creates new word: “Capains”

On Tuesday just before noon, as I watched Sky News with Colin Brazier, I noticed that one of their usually meticulous copy writers for the text input on the rotating “Breaking News” banner at the bottom of the screen had made a spelling Faux Pas. The mistake took the form of a misspelt word pertaining to the Ryder Cup vice-captain choices of Golfer Colin Montgomerie and I watched as its luminous yellow background blazed the shameful error onto my retinas every few seconds. So with a spring in my step, I rushed off for my camera to try to capture this unusual occurrence on my digital sensor before the powers that be discovered their blunder and removed it from the fluctuating short-term memories of a half-bored public.

1 Comment

Posted in TV, film & media slops | Tags: Colin Brazier, Colin Montgomerie, copy writer, Golf, Ryder Cup, Sky News, spelling bee

Posted by: Splosher | 18/07/2010

Parcel Force? P*ssing Farce more like!

As I use differing ways of delivering parcels within my job as an eBay manager, I’m acutely aware of which are the best and the worse in the realm of consignment and postage. For the majority of my work-related items, I use a dependable, private courier service that is competitive, always collect on time and offers fair rates; prices do shoot up if any stretch of sea-water has to be crossed and a weekend delivery is non-existent, but all in all I’m happy. The courier service in question offers franchises across the boroughs of the UK, so all the drivers are self-employed with a vested interest in ensuring your carefully packed parcels are handled correctly and appear at the addresses shown on their boxes in the same condition you sent them out in. Out of the many thousands of things I’ve whizzed off this way, only a couple of problems have arose and even these potential disasters have been resolved with a minimum of fuss and turmoil for all concerned; in short, my life is made easier by Interlink Express’ professional work ethic and customer service.

3 Comments

Posted in The lunacy of this mortal coil... | Tags: eBay, Interlink Express, LCD, Parcel Force, rage, Royal Mail, telephone

Posted by: Splosher | 06/07/2010

Dreams of what lie beneath

Like most people, I occasionally have vivid and extraordinary dreams that once I’ve awakened from stay with me for days afterwards, dwelling in my consciousness for repeated dissection and scrutiny. Now whether Freud and Jung would be so interested in my ‘mind-doodles’ is debatable as neither religious iconography nor sexual deviancy is really prevalent within my skull at the best of times! So, in the hope of resolving the many psychoanalytical elements which have broke on through from my dreamscape world, I’ve decided to input my latest example into this blog: perhaps someone will feel an affinity with me due to being as obviously confused as I or maybe I’m opening up too much for experts to discover a deep-seated Oedipus complex I was never aware of. Either way, allow me now to take you on a journey into the latest delusional thought process of your author…

1 Comment

Posted in Perplexing & unfathomable things | Tags: climbing, dreams, Eels, mountain, water

Posted by: Splosher | 03/07/2010

The internet? It’s bloody massive!

Found this great explaination over at This Blog Rules regarding how vast, huge and overwhelming the sheer size of the internet has now become. Many thanks to Medical Coding Certification for its release and to Ellie Koning for its sublime design:

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Posted in Technological bafflement | Tags: earth, Twitter, web, YouTube

Posted by: Splosher | 29/06/2010

Google Maps and a blast from my past

I was talking to a mate the other day when he casually mentioned that he’d been messing around on Google Maps, looking for something or other, and that they’d now implemented the street-view, mouse-drag yellow figure in most areas near to where we live. I answered nonchalantly at first but then remembered an instance from this time last year where I was pretty sure a Google Maps vehicle – complete with the four-way telescopic camera set-up protruding from its roof – spun a 180 degree turn in front of my car at a T-junction. I recall looking in Maps at the time on the road in question but to no avail, probably due to the vast amount of digital images Google would have to process before uploading a tiny patch of a housing estate in Chadderton, so forgot all about it until reminded.

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Posted in Technological bafflement | Tags: BMW, crash, maps, splosher

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The Boiling Rage

New MP3 player, new Top 10

Sirens, Buses and a wall of noise

A slip of the tongue

Cycling vs Fate: in need of a new God?

40 as a milestone? I’m lucky to have reached it!

Sky News creates new word: “Capains”

Parcel Force? P*ssing Farce more like!

Dreams of what lie beneath

The internet? It’s bloody massive!

Google Maps and a blast from my past

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